Grace. An alluring concept I have known and used my
whole life without possibly ever truly living the word. Well of course, four years ago this January I
gave my life to Christ and accepted His gift of grace. What does it mean
though? I’m going to use the definition Shelley Giglio used this evening. Grace is the unmerited (or free) favor of
God, manifested in the salvation for sinners and the bestowal of blessings. Meaning,
I am a sinner and deserve to spend eternity in Hell, but Jesus Christ took my
punishment and bore the WRATH of God, so that I will get to spend eternity in
the presence of God! So in that sense of
the word, I have been living under the grace of God.
But
salvation is only one of the many forms of God’s great grace. Strength to face life is a grace. Joy in sorrow is a grace. The ability to forgive those who hurt us is a
grace. It’s been over a month since God began
a great work in my life. It has been a
time of immense pain as God siphoned poison from my heart. I had been
betrayed. I sunk so low into darkness
that I just had to make myself continue. God had a plan, heck if I knew what it
was, but in that I could trust. Despite my ingratitude for the grace already
saturating my life, God continued to bless me.
In the second chapter of Philippians, Paul writes, “For to me to live is
Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to
live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I
cannot tell. I am hard pressed between
the two. My desire is to depart and be
with Christ, for that is far better. But
to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.”
I was disillusioned
with this life. I believed the things of
this world were better. Friendships,
family, relationships, and futures. That
was what would make me happy. I hoped so
furiously for those things to satisfy me.
So imagine my bitter disappointment when they left me empty and
miserable. When you live for this world,
it’s a constant roller coaster. One
minute everything is perfect, or seemingly so, and before you can breathe, it
comes crashing down. Rinse and repeat. But you can do as I did, stuff it down
and ignore it and let it continue, until it tears you apart from the inside
out. Or, you can let God heal you and show you what is actually better. Him.
He
never abandons, He never betrays, He waits patiently every single time I
wander, He is joy, He is love, He is strength and He is unending mercy. God’s
great grace opened my eyes to see, it is
so much better to depart and be with Him!
When that happens, I will never again experience hurt, anger, bitterness,
shame, rejection or any of the ugly emotions welling up in my soul. But, it is
so vital for me to be here while I can be.
To share this grace with others!
Not only to reach those who are lost, but to encourage and exhort my
brothers and sisters in Christ. But
finally, my eyes were off of others and things, and onto Him.
The
next grace that God extended was bringing my sinfulness to light. How is that grace? It doesn’t seem like it. Gifts and blessings don’t seem to coincide with
telling someone how they’re broken. In
this day and age, we censor our words, we tolerate flaws even to the point of
exalting them, and we flee from conflict as if our very life depended on
it. It’s not the norm to deal with
painful truths, or suffering. We want it
over, done and locked away as immediately as possible. So we cannot understand how a good God would
allow us to hurt, suffer or walk around with bruised egos.
“Our
vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in
protection from suffering. The love of
God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never
denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did
not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love—that He gave that Son,
that though ‘legions of angels’ might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily
protect us—not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of
hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”
-Elisabeth Elliott
For God
to make me like His perfect Son, is going to take a lot of work; a lot of
painful work! Because He has to show me how I am not like His Son. I claimed to be the victim of lies, betrayal, abandonment,
and rejection. Was I ever guilty of
doing these things? If not, then awesome, one step closer to being like Jesus!
Hmm, well, there was that one time, but I had a reason! Does that excuse the sin? Unfortunately not. It’s so easy to justify in your own mind why
sin is okay. That it’s not offensive to others
and even worse to God.
So
began two weeks of major heart surgery. Oh Andrea, you pride yourself on being
honest, so why does your friend need collateral to take you at your word?
Because they can’t trust you. Can you argue and defend yourself? No. Because you lie, you flake out, and you
choose to do something else, because it’s easier. Don’t you think they feel abandoned and rejected? But, I had reasons. And here is where the really ugly part comes
out. When I believe that one person
should be punished for hurting me, but I shouldn’t be punished for doing the
same exact thing, what I’m actually saying, is that I am better, I am worth
more, I am of greater value than they. I
get different rules. I’m better than the one who betrayed me,
because I don’t do to people what they do, so I deserve better. But I’m also better than the one I betray
because they don’t matter as much as I do, therefore it really doesn’t matter
how I treat them, as long as I have a reason.
Silence.
That’s exactly where that realization left me.
My anger was not a product of righteousness but of sinful pride. I
thought I was better and therefore deserved better treatment. Which, hold up for a second, completely
contradicts the very core of my beliefs.
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”. Even a brief summary of my heart could show
that statement to be true. But to take
it a step further, theoretically what does it really matter, if you do to
someone, what they have done to you? Doesn’t that make you square? An eye for an eye? Eh, not really, but that’s
a whole other blog. But what if you
continually betray, reject, and spurn someone who had given all they had for
you. What I typically hear from people
giving advice on this subject is, “drop them, they don’t deserve you!” But God didn’t do that.
Here we
are, full circle, back to that grace thing.
He is the only one with the
rights to be angry. But He has chosen to stay His anger and give us a
chance to come back to Him. And He literally pursues us to the gates of Hell to
save us! How can I stand in the
understanding of that grace, and not extend it to others? Comprehension dawned that morning as the
weight lifted from my shoulders. I could
forgive, because I was forgiven!
Alright,
so I could forgive and try to reconcile, but when that didn’t work, what
then? Could I just rest in the peace
that I had forgiven and hope one day they’d come back? Let’s just stop and
think for a moment where I would be if God did that with me; if He waited for me to choose Him. I
believe that is one of the reasons suffering is so vital, it drives us to the
feet of God. No, God pursues us and continually pulls us back when the world
draws us in. And for that I am so thankful.
Unconditional love is what it is called.
That means no matter what I do, “nothing can separate me from the love
of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
“Love
is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does
not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians
13:4-8
If I
can daily walk in this grace, then it is my hope that it will overflow out of
me! And I can truly rejoice in my suffering because “I am sure of this, that he
who began a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus
Christ.” Philippians
1:6
One thing I of the
Lord desire
For all my path hath
miry been
Be it by water or by
fire
Oh make me clean
Oh make me clean
So wash me now,
without, within
Or purge with fire,
if that must be,
No matter how, if
only sin die out in me,
Die out in me
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