Spiritual Sweet Tooth

                Yesterday Morning, I woke up, still battling a cold, and with the strong conviction that I wasn't going to church that morning.  I easily justified it to myself, I was sick, I needed to rest, and I was still planning on going to church that night; so surely I could miss just one Sunday morning.  Something wasn't right though.  For someone who was going to sleep in and rest, I woke up ridiculously early.  So, I delved into the word.  Looking back, I suppose it was a little absurd to think I could meet with God and feel encouraged to take a day away from my church family. As the hours ticked by, my mind was literally at war with my body.  My head saying, “oh you’re going, you know you’re going”; my body saying, “You’re actually never moving again.”  But as my parents were walking out of the house, my mom asked if I was going to make it, and my mouth said yes.

                In the midst of these internal struggles, it’s not always easy to discern what is coming from where.  But usually as time passes we get perspective and see the Holy Spirit at work.  It took precisely 30 seconds into the sermon before I “found clarity”.  This was the Sunday we celebrated the Joy of Advent.  I cannot tell you how little joy has been in my heart lately.  I fight hard for what I have and then it is gone in a breath.  As I top the highest mountain, I trip over my own feet and tumble to the bottom of the lowest valley.  Life is just like this right?   It’s just the normal battle between our flesh and spirit!  That’s true in part.  Sin is like the mythical Hydra; for every head we cut off, seven more grow back.  God is continuously working in our hearts.  “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” Philippians 1:6.  That Last part says, “at the day of Jesus Christ”, this means we won’t be complete until this life is over and we stand at the final judgment.

                We are in a constant battle against our sinful nature until death.  But that doesn't mean that our joy can fluctuate with every high and low. Joy, should be static, unchanging, because it is founded on an unchanging God.  There are several definitions of Joy, the first two, as nouns, base it on happiness. Joy is a, “Feeling of great happiness or pleasure, especially of an elevated or spiritual kind” or, “A pleasurable aspect of something or source of happiness.” But another definition, the verb, means “to delight in something.”

                So if I am seeking joy based on the first two definitions, I will be joyful while the things in my life are going as planned.  And unless you are an infant, you should be acquainted with the fact that is only about 15% of life. So by this rule I will only have happiness about 15% of my life; maybe 20% if “luck” favors me. That means 85% of my life will be lived in despair. I’m sorry, but that’s not enticing nor is it how I am called to live.  God has called me into a life (meaning 100%) of JOY. 

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” Romans 5:3-5. 

“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Count it ALL joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” James 1:2-4.

                So not just when I’m having a good day, but when I’m sick, hurting, and lonely.  This isn’t how my life looks.  I can fully experience the full spectrum of human emotion in one day, and it is exhausting.  Timothy Keller speaks to misplaced Joy.

                “Your mother used to say, ‘don’t eat that candy before meals. It will ruin your appetite. The trouble with eating candy is it gives you a sugar buzz and masks the fact that your body needs stuff you don’t have. Sex, and money and power and success, favorable circumstances are spiritual sugar. What happens to Christians is you say ‘Oh I believe in God and I know I’m going to heaven…’ but you actually base your day to day joy and happiness on circumstances and when they go away it drives you into God, because when the sugar goes away, when the candy goes away you’re forced to go after the feast your soul really needs. When things go bad it drives you into God and you develop a poise, a power, a strong kind of joy that never goes away regardless of circumstances.”

                My father so wisely said yesterday “fallen people are obsessed with their own glory.  It’s spiritual narcissism.” This is so much of what destroys our “joy”. When we are so focused on our own glory instead of glorifying God, the only being that deserves it, we are in a perpetual state of rising and falling.  Because there are moments we seem to get some shadow of “glory” and it makes us feel so great about ourselves. What really happens is we begin to think we are actually responsible for how things are going in our lives.  I finally finished my education and am working in a career, that I enjoy, and I’m good at it!  Kudos to me, right?

                I try my hardest not to get cocky before I do a haircut because inevitably the NEXT one I cut, falls to pieces.  One particular day I was feeling pretty swell about myself.  I am finally on the floor at the salon after all these years of work.  And I’m pretty good at what I do.  Enter my mom.  Sweet, sweet Karen who bore me.  She is the most selfless and giving person I have ever known.  (So, I’ve got this… it’s my mom, I’ve cut her hair so many times.)

                I don’t really know where it went wrong, or when it really started, but everything I wasn’t supposed to do, I did. I literally ended the haircut in tears.  I suppose the end product wasn’t terrible, but the entire process had ripped any and all confidence clean out of me. What was I doing?  I can’t do this, I am a failure.  And there went all my joy.  But it wasn’t a lasting humility.  My false joy was restored to me the next day when I looked at her and thought, “It’s really not so bad.”

                But what if it had been just earth shattering, you have to shave your head and buy a wig terrible?  What would I have done?  Quit my job and gone back to serving? Who knows? That cannot be where my joy is, where my confidence is.  Because as much as I hate it, as much as I want to control everything, something like that is going to happen.  And what will happen to my heart and soul when it’s all over.  If my joy is rooted in me, others, circumstances, anything other than God Almighty, it will destroy me. 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” John 15:1-5.

                It is a promise that he is going to prune the branch that is producing fruit.  Which is a painful process, so how do I maintain joy in the midst of all of the pruning? So let’s go back to Joy as a verb: to delight in something.  “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4.  Sounds like a good deal right?  Just find my joy in God and He’ll give me whatever I want.  Yes. But that doesn't mean I come to Him with a laundry list of wants that he is now obligated to give me because I “delighted in Him.”  When your delight is found in God, He is your desire.  And He will continue to give himself to you!  I cannot make myself joyful, or my joy would be rooted in me.  Which need I remind you, is the problem already.  It must come from my unchangeable, good, loving and joyful God! And it comes from falling in Love with Him. 

                I never quite understood how to do that. But I began to think about how you fall in love with a person.  It isn't at first sight. I’m sorry Disney and trust me I am a hopeless romantic; this is just as disappointing to me. It doesn't happen after spending a few times hanging out together, even though it may be epic.  It doesn't happen because you have a “connection” and can laugh and flirt with each other.  It doesn't happen because you have things in common.  All of these things can be a prelude to falling in love, but they are not the actual act of falling in love. 

                You fall in love when you spend countless hours with someone and you share your heart with each other.  You begin to understand the way the other was designed to work.  You begin to know deeply and intimately their heart and soul.  And you allow yourself to be fully known to them.  It is then that you fall in love with them.  And it is then that they begin to change you.  You start to say and do things only they would.  You begin to fall in love with the things they love.  It is even said that many begin to resemble each other after so much time of being together.

                And that’s when my heart got it. It’s easy. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30.  All I have to do is come to Him and He will do the rest.